Isn’t difficult many times to know exactly how you are feeling. This amazing,beautiful puzzle , pain giver , pain reliever “life” puts you often in such situations , that you don’t know exactly how you are feeling.Whether you are happy or you are guilty ,you are proud or you have done something that will leave your parents red-faced. Several examples and best examples are love stories ,where in people give in themselves completely in love ,without thinking about their parents , or family or society. The love birds are together and they are happy being in love , being together, but they are not (Coz they miss families). Another situation comes up when we fight for appraisal and you get a good hike, while you know ,that you haven’t done your best , you don’t deserve . But you are happy with appraisal but you are not. You fight for that beautiful dress with your parents ,which they can’t afford , and after throwing tantrums you get that dress because your parents can’t see you crying (No matter ,if they have to cut on their medicines). So after putting on that dress you are happy ,but you are not.
I find myself also often in such situations , and recently was because of my “EGG love”. I love eggs, and I guess “omelette” was one of the first delicious dish that I had as far as I remember at my mausi’s place. My mother will never allow eggs on her cooking gas. So it was mostly during winter breaks , during our stay at my mausi’s place ,we kids use to have boiled egg , omelette ,egg curry and egg bhuji. Oh! I just love all egg’s preparation. I used to wait for winter breaks to have eggs.
But it was during my coaching , my tutor made me promise not to have egg , and under his influence I made that promise. I never had eggs after that , though I used to make omelette , boiled egg , egg parantha’s for my roomie , but never had myself , no matter how much I wanted to have that egg.
But I don’t know why , I broke that promise and tasted egg after 14 long years, it was scrumptious, a heavenly feeling ,yummy . You can just imagine how much I liked eggs ,its white part , its yellow part , oh! It was so perfect , and as expected with such a savory egg in my mouth I also have in my heart a feeling of guilt , a sadness , I could not keep my promise 😦 I am not a good girl , I can’t even control myself for an egg , how will I handle big things in this life , how can I be so stupid that I broke my promise for an egg , How will I see myself in mirror , when all this was going on in my heart , my hands were serving my mouth with that exotic egg , I just didn’t have control ,neither whats going on in my heart ,nor whats in my mouth.
I finally ended with a delicious dinner along with all guilt salad prepared by my heart. I still don’t know , If it’s ok that I broke my promise ,or I should have controlled my self ? .
Many of you will think ,in fact even I will also think ,when I put up a practical specs on my eyes , it’s such a small thing,why making a fuss about it. It’s ok , you anyways made that promise under the influence , so not a big deal. But life is not a small issue like an egg ,what about the big picture,big promises that life wants from us , Will I be able to keep my promises with the life , to be a good human being and many other such things ,that are necessary to be a human being. Will I surrender all such values , kindness , love in front of the devil. I have started doubting myself , Will I able to keep check and control on myself , when there will be some big issue or a big promise will be in front of me, I am scared of my in abilities of not keeping a small promise , what will I do when it will be a big thing. What people will think of me that I do not keep promises, will they trust me , will they tell me their secrets and trust me that I will keep it to myself.
I will again eat egg or not , now does not matter , I have not kept promise, no matter that promise was done under the influence.
” Raghukul reet sada chali ayi , pran ji per vachan na jai” . ( The clan of God Ram have always kept promises , even if they have to loose their life). Should I have followed this ? Should we keep all our promises or it is ok to break them as per the need . Are promises like legal contracts which can be changed as per the person signing the contract.
I am clueless about this.. (but I think I will try,though not sure , another Egg dish today 😦 )
All I can say after eating that EGG is I am Happy but I am not.
What you people have to say