The moment that changed me……..

While surfing internet ,I found something intriguing on the pages of ” https://housing.com/”  with the video link

where the housing.com team wanted to know about a bold decision that changed our life, moment when we overcame our fears . I contemplated about it and searched for such a moment in the past and found it resting on the first day of my college.The reminiscence  of that very first day of college was played like a movie in front of my eyes.

It was the first day of my college and I embarked on a career with confidence, hope and dreams of a better future – the future that would unlock the doors for me to a completely new world a world that was yet out of my reach – a world which was yet veiled. I was excited, I wanted to dance but could not, something perhaps a fear was holding me. Fear of how will I cope up in this competitive world, fear of job and the greatest fear of ragging. I was not a stranger to the horror stories of students being ragged to death. My kith and kins tried to help me by advising me bases the experiences. I was handed over a list of do’s and dont’s. A dress code was decided for me. I was strictly asked to keep my eyes down while walking,talking. Among all these people who were just showcasing me the dark side of ragging, my cousin explained me the actual purpose of ragging. He told me about funny incidents like essay about cow, acting, coming for several days with oiled hairs and different colored ribbons, antakshri of  “Galiyaan”.He was in favour of ragging within limits as it prepares us to face the world. After hearing his version of ragging, a part of me felt little relaxed, but still scared of what’s in store for me, what if I disobey the seniors, will they help me, guide me, will ragging be in limits.

On the first day, after induction in first half  we were asked by our seniors to be present in the auditorium for a welcome party. I was confused, relaxed and afraid at the same time. “PARTY  on first day??? “. They made it clear that it’s not a fresher party, but a  welcome party with a samosa. We reached auditorium and quickly grabbed the last seat so that we might avert the attention of seniors.

The party started and we, a class of 80 students , were  asked to come on dias ,introduce him/her self and do anything like joke,monoacting,play instrument or sing a song one by one.

I sang a song “Dil hai chota sa choti si asha” which clearly depicted my feelings of how I want to live, free of any fears, fly in the limitless sky. It was not bad as I was expecting. It was all going well, but I don’t remember exactly how it started, few of female friends were asked to dance by seniors in front of all strangers. It was very weird,embarrassing,insulting from the perspective of a girl. For me such acts were crime way bigger than ragging, as they were robbing dignity of a women. Out of fear, my classmates also agreed to dance and I was angry at them why they agreed to dance, they should have denied.I wanted to stop them, but the fear caught hold of my tongue, the fear glued me to the seat. I could not do anything, other than clinching my fist. There was a sudden pour of anger in me, anger upon me for not doing anything, anger upon my classmates for agreeing to dance, anger upon senior mam’s that how could they let all this happen. Though I knew that intentions and gestures of seniors was not wrong. But  forcing for dance in front of 150 unknown people was not done. After that dance , I was not in class anymore, I was just in a state of anger, Why I didn’t stopped them. Is getting help from seniors is more important than the dignity of a girl. One part of me was forcing me to standup and  tell them that this is not right and the other part was holding me, chill this was just a dance , no big deal, far less than you were expecting. Both the voices were very clear in my mind, I could hear both the voices, but just could not decide which one to follow. While I was on a roller coster ride of these voices, seniors were winding it up by giving us few instructions to be followed for next 15 days like coming with hairs oiled and tied with two different colored ribbons, always ending a sentence with “yes sir” something like that. I sudden felt a spurge of blood in me, I felt as if I will miss tha train, I felt as if it’s now or never. I need to tell them that this is not acceptable , even though intentions were not wrong. I just stoop up and interrupted him. I want to say something. He was surprised by this unexpected thing, called me on dice and said all yours. I thanked him and said “I on behalf of my classmates want to thank for this fresher party”. He interrupted me not fresher but welcome party. we will give you a grand fresher party. I smiled and said sorry , yes I want to thank all of you for this fresher party. I was shivering out of fear,a fierce fight was going on in between my heart and my brain, it’s not a big deal, don’t invite troubles for you but I had to do this. I continued . I said Everything was good, went well, we were not expecting such a welcome party with a samosa, but I am sorry to say, forcing to dance was really not acceptable. I really felt bad about it. Everybody was quiet for a moment.That’s all I have to say. Thankyou.

I was feeling light from within the clenched fist was now open. I was ready to face the consequences.

But to my surprise, My senior Sir said sorry and that they will take care of this going forward.

This was the first time I had overcome my fear, gone against the do’s and dont’s list of my parents. This was first time , that I faced  so many people, This was the first time I spoke despite the fear choking my vocal cord, I was not able to not speak a word.But I did, because I could not let the dignity of a girl being let down.

After this, I met a new me, changed me who was perhaps hidden behind the walls of unknown fears.I now had the courage to put my point of view in front of people  by curbing the fears inside me.  I was now a little more brave. I was able to fight the fear inside me, when required. I was a better person now.Though fears are a permanent resident inside my mind , but still I was able to curb the voices of fears and listen to my heart. The incident was not a big thing, neither it changed my life style, this didn’t got me styled or brought money but definitely it was a booster for my inner self. It has given me the courage to fight against anything wrong which still is helping me. It gave me courage to walk alone on an unknown street, it gave me courage to speak to a stranger, it gave me courage to publish my blog , to express my inner self. What else could be a life changing event.

PS: My seniors were very helpful though out my college. They helped me realized that there is no need to fear when you are right and because of them only I am now able to put up any negative point in front of people in a positive manner. Though I am not in much contact with them , but I am sure they will be more than happy to help me whenever required.

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