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You have not handled me properly

I am not complaining, I just feel that, you haven’t handled me properly….

No you are not to blame, I was destined to be broken, but still wish, you could have handled me properly….

I was transparent, and I was loyal, but still all this didn’t help you to handle me properly….

I was fragile, and you knew it, but you haven’t handled me properly….

I was doing well without you, you derailed me, coz you haven’t handled me properly….

You came in to my life gradually, you left me abruptly, I hate you coz you haven’t handled me properly….

I don’t own you, I don’t expect anything from you, but just that you should have handled me properly….

Now that I am broken, now that I am not and I don’t want to be there anymore, I just wish you should have handled me properly….

When I lost myself, you got somebody else, but in all that I guess the exit of you should have been handled properly….

It’s not about expected as you it was, it’s not about it happens as you say with all, it about how you tried to handle me properly….

Now it’s done , I wish I get my sanity back, I wish I find myself  , I wish I learn  to handle myself properly…..

 

 

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Remembering you…. as always

The different shades of the setting sun, When he goes to rest in his abode,
Reminds me of you,
      You – who would get into small space of his own,
      leaving behind the worldly things
     to create a different you
     who loves small little things,little things of life
     like cool little breeze
     a get away with friends
     a steamy momo or a hot maggie

The Setting sun reminds me of you
    coz you no longer shine,
    you are in different skin, away from world
    you enjoy simple pleasures of life,
    a  talk, a discussion , a walk
    a musical fountain dancing on tunes of story of creation of humanity,
    listening to some soft melodies,
    or simply playing with a dog

The setting Sun reminds me of you,
   You – Who is weak,
    who has regrest in life ,
    who has hidden complexes

The setting sun reminds me of you,
   Person with whom I am and will be in love forever,
   the person who entombed simplicity in his true character,
   who use to add patches on a torn sweater.

I love the sunset, coz it reminds me of you ..

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Sometimes I just

Sometimes I can hear somebody screaming from inside,
Sometimes I can hear somebody crying by my side,
But I feel helpless to help,
I just put my hands on my ears,
to close the doors to the painful sounds,
close the doors to wailing hounds,
But the pain just seeps in.
Pain of being rejected,
Pain of a vacuum in the life,
Pain of being lonely in the crowd,
Pain of not living up to expectation,
Pain of loosing somebody dear to death.

Sometimes I just want to shout to silent all the sounds,
To silence all the wailing hounds

Sometimes I just want to go away to a far far away land,
Sometimes I just want to be abandoned,
To forget everything,
To live with peace in a shell,
To crawl on the wet sand,
To be embraced by the waves coming from far away.
To see the sun rising from the horizon,

Sometimes I just want to hear the sounds of the waves falling and rising,
Sometimes I just want to be in a shell and hear its chimes.

 

 

 

 

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My bestie

He is not in my life anymore. No no (in case you thinking something bad), he is very much alive, laughing aloud at some location, moved on with some ‘chappan choori’. He was my bestie.

I remember giving his shoulder to me to sleep. I met him in our company bus , I was completely exhausted, saw a seat near him and slept in no time. When I woke up, I found myself sleeping on his shoulder and saliva coming out of my mouth. Grrrr that was my first embarrassing moment with him and then there were no stopping of embarrassing myself in front of him. We were friends in moments. Just because I was me in front of him. I had nothing to hide from him. He knew all my deepest secret which I have never confided in somebody. It was so easy to confide in him. He was amazing,best part about him was he was so easy and simple. He used to make friends in seconds. I have spent a considerable time in feeling jealous of his friends. But still I have had my special moments, I was in his priority list.

One day I was in tremendous pain and had lot of work in office.I called him and he knew by listening to my voice that I am in pain. He said ‘Comeback home,no matter what’. I came back, I didnt have the courage to say no to him.He was authoritative and I was in his control.

I remember I was crying because my father scolded me for no fault of mine. I also felt as if my father don’t love me. I told him everything,he listened to me patiently,hugged me tight,wiped my tears and said ‘ Parents have all the right to scold us. They may not be always right,but they have the right to suggest you what is right and wrong. Don’t take their words literally but understand their good intentions to keep you safe from the bad.’ I felt light and I love him for his maturity.

Everybody cries while chopping onions, but I smile because of him.one day I was chopping onions and he couldn’t  see me in tears. He started chopping onions himself. I love my bestie for his care.

He was truly my best friend, I have so many nights in my life spent on phone/ internet chatting with him about anything. Be it about my fights with my roomies or bitching about my manager . Whenever I needed him,He was like all ears to me. I love him for his patience.

I have always looked upon him for any kind of professional or personal advice. He never gave me any direct suggestion but always insisted me to think and do what I feel is good.But I have always knew that he will be there to support me.

He was my pillar of support when I was going through a bad phase. I have always felt fortunate to have him in my life,though for a very little time. He didn’t wipe my tears when I was week but slapped me for not being strong.

I am strong and living a good life because of my bestie. 

am writing about Jug in my life for the #DearZindagi activity atBlogAdda“.

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Memoirs from sweet sixteen times..

‘This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.’

This was the prompt at one of the blogging sites “http://www.blogadda.com” I follow.

This week, we want you to write a letter to your 16 year old self. Rewind and stop by at the 16th year of your life. What would you tell your 16 year old self?

This prompt took me years back when I was in this sweet sixteen phase. Back days I was not like this as I am today. I have changed a lot , good or bad I don’t know. So these are letters posted to my sweet sixteen. Off course the letters are backdated and posted today.

Abbreviations used in the letters 

  • S2Nimi – Sweet sixteen Nimi
  • gtg – Got to Go
  • BFF – Best friend forever
  • TDH – Tall, dark and handsome

 

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A life well lived…

If somebody asks “Are you Happy? Do you have any regrets? Is your life well lived?” What will be the replies:-

“Arrey kahan, mere to naseeb hi phoote hue hai , bachpan se lekar aaj tak har cheej ke liye fight ki hai”

“Mujhe to koi bhi cheej aasani se milti hi nahi”

“Mera sapna to adhoora hi reh gaya”

“Ye bhi kya zindagi hai, aaj tak ye bhi nahi kar payi, Zindagi to unki hai …..kya thaat se jeete hai  aur yahan ham 1 kamre mein poori zindagi guzar di “.

“Meri to life hi kharab hai”

I thought till today it was natural , and life is full of regrets so how can a life be well lived.. But when I read on the blogadda site  for a prompt :- “we want you to skip the bad part and tell us you’ve lived your life the best till date! Despite all that’s done and happened, life has been the most beautiful thing happening to you. Introspect and let some gratitude flow to yourself, that you have played your part the best possible way, till this day”

I felt good, I realized that life is made of moments and not just years , and by that mathematics everybody’s life is well lived. As average sum of good moments will definitely be greater than the bad moments in everybody’s life.

So by that perspective my life is really well lived  🙂

  • I  still remember so many moments from my childhood when my mother and I used to enjoy…
  • We used to go to get ourselves clicked in that photographer shop with different kinds of background and all…
  • Fighting with my sibling who will sleep with my mom, oh that was fun….I miss those days..
  • Sitting in our small, warm, cozy kitchen on “Bori” and my mother serving us with hot “makki ki roti” when it was chilled cold outside….
  • Sleeping on terrace with star filled sky above, searching for “Dhruv taara”. Talking till late with my sister and my mother scolding.
  • Laying bed on the terrace every night, and running with beddings downstairs when it suddenly rained while we were asleep on the terrace.
  • Sitting with family on 31st december, watching New Year programmes on doordarshan, having “moongphali, chikki”etc.
  • Getting a new bicycle…
  • Drying dupattas with my sister holding one end and me the other end on our terrace.
  • New dresses stiched by my mother on Diwali/Holi.
  • I love when now I visit my home, my mother pampering me with my favorite dishes.
  • My brother buying me gifts from his pocket money/first salary.
  • Celebrating birthdays with or without cake.
  • Going to my Mama’s place on festivals like bhai dooj and dushera. All cousins at one place.
  • Sharing lunch with my friends in school, and requesting our favorite teachers to have one bite from our lunch.
  • Gossiping with friends in schools about the affairs in the school and our class.
  • Discussing with our friends our secrets crush, following them in school , seeing them secretly, wishing for them to say Hi to us  and what not….
  • Writing letters to friends in the summer vacation, missing them.
  • Laughter fits on the roads while going for engineering coaching with friends.
  • Forcing friends to express love to their crush.
  • Getting ready for the welcome party in the college.
  • Standing against wrong despite all the inner fears….
  • Seeing my roll number in the list for entrance exam…
  • First day of the job, first salary.
  • Travelling alone to unknown places, with fears but “Finally did it ” Feeling.
  • So many friends in the journey so far and every moment spent with them was the best and better than the previous.
  • Lucky to have a supporting family and friends.
  • Holding my little niece in my hand for the first time, her calling me “Mausi”. I am in love with her.
  • Lucky to have shoulders to cry when I was not feeling good.
  • Lucky to have travelled to so many good places till date, lived some breath taking moments.
  • Having angels in my life…….who walked into my life when I was devastated, broken and almost dead. They stood by my side, supported me and now I am here standing again to fight again, to relive, though the pain is there, but  I am lucky to have that medicine in my life in the form of few friends whom I call angel.
  • I feel lucky to be able to feel pain of others, I am able to help them.
  • I feel fortunate to have few great people in my life who are not any more with me, either they have built up their home  up their in heaven or they have part their ways from me. But still I cherish the moments spent with them.
  • Till date my life is really well lived…. There always have been obstacles problem in the path but I finally crossed all hurdles till date…. I am happy that I have the courage and friends and family by my side to fight against all odds…

I love my life…. despite several odds … Thanks to my family and friends………………

I am sure I will cross any  hurdle……

But yes there is one thing missing in my life …. I want to do something for others in need… some good for the society or at least one person , I want to make somebody else’s life well lived…

That’s my dream, “Kuch to aisa karna hai”, “Kuch to karna hai”…..before I part from my “Well Lived ” life .

‘This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.’

 

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Staying healthy and happy

“I am joining the Saffolalife #ChhoteKadam initiative in association withBlogAdda and follow these small steps for a healthy heart.”

I guess I was in 8th when I for the first time read about Heart, arteries,veins , different types of artery pulmnary artery the only artery carrying deoxygenated blood, left ventricle  etc etc. I loved the way our heart functions… So small but carrying such a great responsibility of a life.

But that was long time back and then I got busy in my big life and for got about my little heart who is working hard 24X7 to pump blood in my body  to keep me alive. But my heart felt insulted and could not bear my ignorance. One day I felt pain and went to doctor. I was hospitalized for some time. It was engina pain. My heart had finally sent me clear signals that he is not happy. With so much responsibility over me , I knew I cannot afford to keep my heart unhappy. I decided to do something to balance my life , to keep my heart hale and hearty and to keep myself happy.

As our heart pumps blood every second, so our blood needs to be easy flowing, there should not be any blockage in the arteries and veins or wherever our blood flows. Excessive smoking and blood pressure up and downs is also disliked by our heart.

After undetsanding likes and dislikes of my heart I made a TOMAKEMYHEARTHAPPY list. So here goes the list…

  1. OILY FOOD:- There is an  old saying “Kaam ghee ka  aur naam bahu ka” which means that taste in food is due to ghee and not because of the cook. In olden days people use to love “Desi Ghee”. Every  meal use to be deep fried in Oil. But our old people used to do a lot of physical work.The oil in their body never bothered to stay in their body. But in today’s lifestyle we don’t even have to cut vegetables on our own [We get readyCut vegetables in market], we never have to do cleaning [Kanta bai is there for  cleaning], mixi grinder , everything is so easy ,  one hand don’t get to know about the other hand and work gets completed. So if we eat ghee or oil like our oldies used to so where will that oil go. It stays in our body for forever. This oil tenant of our body will live in our body and will rent in the form of arteryu blockage. We can’t afford such things. So Should we stop using oil.. Gawwd I can’t have boiled vegetables :(. But without oil food can’t be tasty.  So we should be choosing careful while selecting oil for ourselves and our family. There are different types of saturated unsaturated types of fats present in the oil we use. We must select the oil wisely and use minimum of oil in our meals.
  2. Excercise daily :- O the pleasures of sleeping till late in the morning , wrapped in the blanket when it’s freezing cold or not so cold outside or  the pleasures of a morning walk, breating the pollution free air, listening to the bird’s song which is otherwise lost in the sound of honking horns, the feel of freshness after doing Yoga or smell of the sweat after a good cardio. Which pleasure you will choose , I will go with the second one, coz this is what our heart also wants , it’s just that we have blindfolded our eyes to see and feel the truth. By exercising daily all extra fats taken in the body are consumed or excreted through sweat etc. It also keeps us in good shape 😛
  3. Positivity around and inside:– Have you ever felt heart beats getting faster when you are angry , headache when you shout … All these are indications of a stressful life which makes us and our heart unhappy. So try and be positive … Any problem can be faced by being calm. Coz when you are calm , problem will be resolved at a faster pace. This can be achieved through meditation for 5-15 minutes daily. Meditation can be done anywhere  you just need to close your eyes and concentrate on something. This something can be analysing what you did all day , how it could have been better and all.
  4. Don’t keep anything in heart:- I have felt and experienced that you should be a vent for your heart feeling’s. Say it just don’t keep it to you. And Here I am not talking just about confessing love for somebody but even the bad feeling about somebody. If you keep anything negative in your heart, it will harm you. But yes offcource you can’t say any bad things to your manager 😛
  5. Avoid junk food :- I know and I also love having maggie in the midnight with a cup of chai sitting at my window. But that maggie will stay forever in my stomach in the form of maida , fat and what not … so avoid junk food , instead have fruits, sprouts etc to feed your little hunger which arises from nowhere anytime.

So these are few little steps , that keep me active  and in harmony with my heart…

You too Stay active , Stay healthy…and have a happy heart 🙂

with Lots and lots of Love in My HEART 🙂