Navigation

   They were meeting after a long time.  The circumstances, their parents, traditions were all against the idea of these love birds meeting alone before marriage.   When their engagement date was fixed, they planned for so many things to do during the time gap between their marriage and engagement. But it all got messed up. First their parents were against meeting them alone before marriage and then he went for an onsite assignment. But in month of Feb, when he came back from USA, somehow they managed to convince their family for a weekend getaway along with a group of friends. Place decided was Imagica- A theme park.

He was so excited to see her after such a long time. During college, in fact till the time they got engaged, there was not a single day in a year when they have not met. Even the world famous “Mumbaiya” rains were not able to stop them from seeing each other. He wanted to surprise her so he took out his brand new car. He hasn’t allowed any of his friends to sit on the front seat because the owner of the seat was she. All their friends knew about this completely, madly, deeply in love couple.

He picked her up and started for the date with friends after listening to the “100’s” of instructions from her mother. She was so excited to see the car and he already had a Pen drive loaded with the music of her choice. He wanted this trip to be a very special one (It was actually their pre- Valentine date and first after they got engaged. So many reasons to make this special.). Though they had been on so many trips before without their parents being informed, but this time she was behaving little differently, little shy you know just like wife. He instructed her about how to play music system he got installed in the car. She was the DJ for today. They both were happy. In half an hour they were on the highway. Now from here he wanted some navigation help. He asked Minni to start navigator in the phone and keep the destination as Imagica the theme park.

While Sandeep was driving busy, Minni was confused in using the navigation system and guiding Sandeep with the route. She has always been bad when it comes to navigating and guiding the driver. Even after putting up so many efforts she was able to remember route of her office and home and that too only 1 way. If there was any deviation from the route she used to get confused. In normal days, she would have told him that she is confused, but now she is acting as a wife, and the person sitting on front is a navigator. She didn’t want to lose that seat. Also she thought that telling him that she doesn’t know how to use the navigator might make him angry. So she opened the Google maps and marked the final destination. The navigation system had voice help also, she was little bit relieved and started voice guidance. But that guidance was not according to Indian roads. Sandeep asked her to stop the voice guidance and guide him verbally. She got irritated and wanted to tell Sandeep, Mr. USA returned is getting confused by US accent guidance, but she didn’t said. She muted the navigation and started telling him the way. All was going well until she saw on navigator a flyover and a road on left side. He asked him to tell quickly to take the flyover or not. She got confused and out of fear she told him to take flyover. Sandeep asked her you sure, because as per him they should have taken the side road. But he took the flyover and kept driving. He was enjoying the ride and listening now to songs and looking at her. She was smiling and talking to him But in her heart , she was afraid seeing the length of the flyover – When will this finish -Have they taken the correct road – What if wrong route has been taken- How will sandeep react.

Her fear came true, after almost 2 hours driving; instead of theme park they reached some place with jungle theme. As in it was looking like jungle. Nobody was there. Sandeep stopped the car and cheked in navigator and realized his mistake. He got angry and frustrated, it was after so many days they got a chance to spent good quality time together and now because of this stupid mistake almost whole day will be wasted. He wanted to say how you have passed engineering when you can’t read a simple navigator properly. As soon as he turned towards her, he saw she was in tears.

I am sorry Sandeep, galti se ho gaya (By mistake it happened) I was little confused but was afraid of asking you. I am sorry… .Sorry was all she saying. His anger disappeared in a fraction of second. He realized how much he loves this silly girl sitting next to her who could not do a simple navigation. At that moment he just wanted to give her a tight hug and kiss her.  She was looking so innocent and beautiful and in fear at the same time. He just tilted his head, smiled. He opened his seat belt and leaned towards her. She got scared, he opened her seat belt and brought her closer to him, wiped her tears with his hanker and kissed her on forehead. “Don’t cry, minnu it’s ok”  and hugged her. She holds him tight and said sorry again. He released her and holde her face  and said =”You know you navigated us to the right path.” She looked into his eyes with very difficulty because she was feeling guilty for wasting the time they have got after so much persuasion. She knew how much excited he was for this day. She had a question in her eyes – How are we on right path.

He again kissed her and said “Silly, You didn’t got it?  You were following navigation system made by God. God was our navigation system and he wanted us to spend a quality time with each other in some place like this away from the crowd. Wahan mein tujhse bat kaise kar pata itne shor mein (How I could have talked to you in that noisy place.)” And yahan per to kuch bhi kr sakta hoon(And I can do anything with you here). she smiled and understood that he is just trying to stop her from crying. She wanted to tell him that she loves him like anything and she is proud and lucky to have him in his life and she can do anything for him. But she opted to give him an angry look. But the happiness and relief in her eyes could not be hidden. They both were laughing … and song was being played in the background ….

“Do pyar karne wale jungle mein kho gaye…………. “

 

 

This blog post is inspired by the blogging marathon hosted on IndiBlogger for the launch of the #Fantastico Zica from Tata Motors. You can apply for a test drive of the hatchback Zica today.

Fairy Godmother

It was the night before my first board exam. I was still left with half of the revision. While sitting surrounded with books on my study table I was foreseeing the future that I will forget everything, I will fail in the exam and I will not be able to complete my question paper. The night was a restless night. I was tired, feeling sleepy and still there was so much left for revision. I wished that some magic happens as in the fairy tales I have heard from my mother like Cinderella’s. I wished for a fairy Godmother who could give me a magical pen with which I would complete the question paper in a second. Alas! this was a dream only. I decided to take a break, and before I thought of a break, my mother was ready with a steaming cup of coffee. Till date I am unable to figure out, how she always knew before I tell her, what I want. I drew the white net curtains adorned with beads and mirrors to let in the fresh air from the window. My study table was arranged in front of the big glass window in my room through which I used to gaze stars and moon in the night. I was sipping the best coffee and looking at the full moon .The full moon was shining brightly, slightly yellowish in color, spreading it coolness all around. I could see the old woman spinning the thread sitting on Moon land. My mother often used to walk in the night and gaze at the beautiful stars. She had often told me stories about the old woman who had lived on moon since ages and fulfills the wishes of every good child. I wished that old woman could come down and be my fairy Godmother and fulfill all my wishes. I wished she could come down to earth and help me. I closed my eyes and rested my head on the support of my chair. When I opened my eyes after some time, my godmother was sitting near me and smiling at me. I looked at her; she was a lookalike of my mother. She kissed me on my forehead, hugged me and kept my spectacles on the table. She said “Don’t worry. Everything will be ok. I am sure you will do your best and will come out with flying colors. I have faith in you”. She came near me and helped me in getting to my bed, took off my shoes and covered me with a sheet. I looked at her, we both smiled and all my worries vanished. She switched off the light. I had a peaceful sleep that night.

In the morning, I was on my bed and my mother was waking me up to get ready for exams. I saw her and remembered the old woman who lives on moon and spins the thread.  I remembered that my mother and my fairy godmother both resembled with each other so much. I smiled because I now knew who was my fairy Godmother last night.

An earthquake in his life

The needles of the clock juxtaposed such that the time was smiling. But Sandeep was irritated, frustrated, angry and boiling like an active volcano which was about to erupt. The reason was argument with his wife Minni at the breakfast table. She was asking to spent time with the family. She was blaming him to be busy all the time with his work. But how could he waste time when there is so much work to do. He brushed aside all the thoughts coming to his mind for some time and concentrated on the meeting. He was already late for the meeting as after the heated argument Minni got her fingers cut with the sharp serrated knife while cutting vegetables. The cut was deep and she almost fainted due to loss of blood. He quickly bandaged them and left her in care of their beautiful daughter Sani.

After meeting he came back in his cabin and lighted a cigarette. He wanted to ponder over the situation. The past flickered in front of his eyes.

Few years back, when he met her for the first time in an arranged meeting he clearly told her not to expect anything from him. For him his work was on top priority and he could not do all that stupid romantic things that a wife expects. She was a simple girl, untouched by the tantrums of the high society, he had always resented. Soon they were tied in to nuptial knot.  After marriage he started his new business in his hometown as he always wanted to. His business was flourishing and he was often on foreign trips for expansion. He was working hard for his family to give them the best of both the worlds. He was unable to understand why Minni was not happy. One thing for sure he might not talk with her for months but he could not see tears in her eyes. Her sadness was affecting him, but he could not leave his career, ambitions for all this. He needed to be practical. It is the money that could buy them happiness.

At home Minni was lying on bed, expecting a call from Sandeep. He could have called her to ask if she was fine. She remembered how the spark in his eyes and the most beautiful smile ever just floored her away in their first arranged meeting. He had a great job in an MNC, his own house in Doon, his father retired from army.  Everything in this arrangement was perfect and there was not a single reason to say “No”. But she was afraid of his ambitions. He was way too ambitious.  He wanted to be at top and his career was on top of his priority list. But her fears were curbed under the sound of the wedding bells. The happiness on the faces of her parents brought a smile on her face too. With a hope she stepped in to the new phase of her life. Soon after marriage he got busy in expansion of his business. They were not able to talk for days even though they were living under the same roof. Her life was confined to the room on first floor of the blue colored two storey house. She used to spend her time in taking care of the small garden in front of the house or reading novels. Marriage had changed her completely, she was not the same bubbly, chirpy, always smiling Minni, but has become a woman who was even afraid to ask for anything from her husband thinking that she would disturb him. She was completely a different woman now. Before marriage first day first show was a must for her, but now she had forgotten the way to theater. He hated Hindi romantic movies and loved sci-fi English movies. He rather enjoyed company of his friends for such movies as he had to explain her movies. He never stopped her from watching movies, going anywhere but she never wanted to go without him. There were numerous such incidents when she was taken for granted. He was so engrossed in his business that he forgot what is called spending time with family. In five years of marriage they have never been out on vacation. He was always occupied with his work. Even at the time of birth of Sani when a wife needs greatest emotional support of her husband, Sandeep was on some foreign assignment. She had lost hope of anything like marital bliss long time back. The only happiness this marriage gave her was Sani.

Sandeep was still perturbed and confused. He thought of calling her but decided otherwise. Today he was physically in office but his heart was at home only. Suddenly he felt a jerk and everything started shaking. The ground was shaking. It was an earthquake. Everything in the cabin was moving to and fro like the pendulum of a clock. As if this was a nature’s clock telling everybody that it is the death time. He saw the earth breaking in to numerous pieces apart and snatching all that he has earned but Minni and Sani. No! The moment paused. In that moment all the time spent with them came alive. He can’t loose them; he loves them more than anything in his life. The fear of losing them forever was greater than loosing life.

His eyes opened to find himself lying in a tent, covered with bandages all around. He recalled everything, the earthquake, the high-rise building converting in to a pile of sand and stones. Everything flashed like a movie in front of his eyes. He asked for Minni and Sani. Nobody was aware what happened to them. He got his family details registered in missing people’s files and started looking for them around. Everything was devastated. A place which was once full of life has been rented to DEATH. There was hues and cry all around. People were crying over lifeless bodies, the smell of dead bodies was making the air unfit for breathing. The toughest task was being performed by the people who were waiting in a queue for arranging the funeral pyre, to bid farewell to their loved ones. The death scored well than life at this time. Who would want to live in such a place? But still there were people who were living in such terrible conditions just to help the mankind. They had a heart of gold, the purest form ever.  He wanted to help the people, but love for his family made him selfish. He first had to find Minni and Sani. For the first time in his life, he realized how important Minni and Sani were for him. Nothing, no success, no money could replace them. He was scared of a life without them. He wanted to ask for forgiveness from Minni for all his mistakes and rude behavior. He promised himself that he would not give a chance to Minni again to complain and would give her the life as she had always dreamt of. Walking through the disaster, witnessing death all around, he reached the place where few hours ago was a standing a beautiful house. He looked for them all around, “Minni, Sani where are you?” His eyes fell on a jewellery box owned by Minni. He opened it to find a ruffle he picked up for her from a street shop, a chocolate wrapper and few other things that he had gifted her, tears flowed down his cheeks, a fear hovered him. He kept the box with him and started looking for them. Every single second was taking his life. He found Sani’s favorite toy lying there. He could not control himself but didn’t lose hope. He wanted nothing but Minni back in his life. At last she saw the face he has seen every morning by his side since past 5 years, but never realized her beauty. She was lying on the road holding tightly Sani. He ran towards them and tightly hugged them. Medical aid was arranged for them immediately. He thanked God. While Doctors were attending to his family, he decided to help the people around, physically and technically, in whatever way he could. He used somebody’s computer and created an application asking for help and posted on social media. He helped in arrangements of the tent etc.

In the night, he was resting outside his tent, looking at the stars, sitting among the debris and thinking that the ground shaked and shaked all his philosophy of life. This had made him realize the value of life, love and family. It is your family, love which only matters the materialistic world is perishable. It is the love and binding that keeps them alive.

 

Waiting

He was lying on the floor with his nostrils covered with a cotton bud. Underneath a white cloth his weak, worn out and naked body was hidden. A hand which was peeping out of the white cloth had no flesh just hard bones like a skull, which could be used by science students to understand the human anatomy. His forehead was engraved with lines as if a story was written on it by the ink of the fate. A story which I wanted to hear from him, but now his lips were sealed by the tyranny of the fate. The smoke of a scented agarbatti, lit in front of the idols of God arranged neatly on the wooden rack hanged on the mud wall, was all over the room. A distinct smell of sweat was there ,which was his companion all the time, while he toiled in the fields, while he tied himself in place of his ox and ploughed the field as his ox were taken away by the Zamindar in lieu of the loan he took last to last year.

It was a year back only when he lit the diya in front of the God resting on the wooden rack on the mud wall. He smiled with difficulty and with a little hope prayed to the GOD. “It’s been more than a year we have waited for Rain to water our fields, so that we may harvest the crop, please don’t make us wait any more. Please send rain God to our village, please have mercy on me,  I am a poor farmer who has to feed his four children. I am again taking loan from the Zamindar in your name, I am sure you will shower your blessings on us in the form of rains. I will wait for the your blessings in the form of rains which will quench the thirst of the land.

Since that day he was working hard to see the crop sprout from beneath the land. Since that day everyday he used to wait in his fields for rain.

Time was passing, he was still hopeful, he still trusted God, everyday he used to see the empty faces of his children living with empty stomach, then towards the dried sky.The Zamindar started sending reminders for paying his debts while he was waiting for a drop of rain. He was tired of waiting but this wait seemed to be unending. It’s been more than two years. It has not rained in the village. How will he pay his debt. Last year Zamindar took away his ox, what now, his children. The thought shuddered him

Today in the morning he lit diya and prayed to GOD. He kissed his children on their forehead and asked the eldest one to take care of the family, while he is away. He asked his wife to cook his favourite bajra ki roti with dhaniya ki chutney for lunch.

When his wife reached in the fields with lunch, she found him lying on the ground with head rest as his gamcha. He was staring in the sky as if waiting for the drops of rain to pour down and take away all the hunger, all the sadness from his home. She called him several times to have his lunch, but he never replied.

He found a way to end his endless wait.

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.

The moment that changed me……..

While surfing internet ,I found something intriguing on the pages of ” https://housing.com/”  with the video link

where the housing.com team wanted to know about a bold decision that changed our life, moment when we overcame our fears . I contemplated about it and searched for such a moment in the past and found it resting on the first day of my college.The reminiscence  of that very first day of college was played like a movie in front of my eyes.

It was the first day of my college and I embarked on a career with confidence, hope and dreams of a better future – the future that would unlock the doors for me to a completely new world a world that was yet out of my reach – a world which was yet veiled. I was excited, I wanted to dance but could not, something perhaps a fear was holding me. Fear of how will I cope up in this competitive world, fear of job and the greatest fear of ragging. I was not a stranger to the horror stories of students being ragged to death. My kith and kins tried to help me by advising me bases the experiences. I was handed over a list of do’s and dont’s. A dress code was decided for me. I was strictly asked to keep my eyes down while walking,talking. Among all these people who were just showcasing me the dark side of ragging, my cousin explained me the actual purpose of ragging. He told me about funny incidents like essay about cow, acting, coming for several days with oiled hairs and different colored ribbons, antakshri of  “Galiyaan”.He was in favour of ragging within limits as it prepares us to face the world. After hearing his version of ragging, a part of me felt little relaxed, but still scared of what’s in store for me, what if I disobey the seniors, will they help me, guide me, will ragging be in limits.

On the first day, after induction in first half  we were asked by our seniors to be present in the auditorium for a welcome party. I was confused, relaxed and afraid at the same time. “PARTY  on first day??? “. They made it clear that it’s not a fresher party, but a  welcome party with a samosa. We reached auditorium and quickly grabbed the last seat so that we might avert the attention of seniors.

The party started and we, a class of 80 students , were  asked to come on dias ,introduce him/her self and do anything like joke,monoacting,play instrument or sing a song one by one.

I sang a song “Dil hai chota sa choti si asha” which clearly depicted my feelings of how I want to live, free of any fears, fly in the limitless sky. It was not bad as I was expecting. It was all going well, but I don’t remember exactly how it started, few of female friends were asked to dance by seniors in front of all strangers. It was very weird,embarrassing,insulting from the perspective of a girl. For me such acts were crime way bigger than ragging, as they were robbing dignity of a women. Out of fear, my classmates also agreed to dance and I was angry at them why they agreed to dance, they should have denied.I wanted to stop them, but the fear caught hold of my tongue, the fear glued me to the seat. I could not do anything, other than clinching my fist. There was a sudden pour of anger in me, anger upon me for not doing anything, anger upon my classmates for agreeing to dance, anger upon senior mam’s that how could they let all this happen. Though I knew that intentions and gestures of seniors was not wrong. But  forcing for dance in front of 150 unknown people was not done. After that dance , I was not in class anymore, I was just in a state of anger, Why I didn’t stopped them. Is getting help from seniors is more important than the dignity of a girl. One part of me was forcing me to standup and  tell them that this is not right and the other part was holding me, chill this was just a dance , no big deal, far less than you were expecting. Both the voices were very clear in my mind, I could hear both the voices, but just could not decide which one to follow. While I was on a roller coster ride of these voices, seniors were winding it up by giving us few instructions to be followed for next 15 days like coming with hairs oiled and tied with two different colored ribbons, always ending a sentence with “yes sir” something like that. I sudden felt a spurge of blood in me, I felt as if I will miss tha train, I felt as if it’s now or never. I need to tell them that this is not acceptable , even though intentions were not wrong. I just stoop up and interrupted him. I want to say something. He was surprised by this unexpected thing, called me on dice and said all yours. I thanked him and said “I on behalf of my classmates want to thank for this fresher party”. He interrupted me not fresher but welcome party. we will give you a grand fresher party. I smiled and said sorry , yes I want to thank all of you for this fresher party. I was shivering out of fear,a fierce fight was going on in between my heart and my brain, it’s not a big deal, don’t invite troubles for you but I had to do this. I continued . I said Everything was good, went well, we were not expecting such a welcome party with a samosa, but I am sorry to say, forcing to dance was really not acceptable. I really felt bad about it. Everybody was quiet for a moment.That’s all I have to say. Thankyou.

I was feeling light from within the clenched fist was now open. I was ready to face the consequences.

But to my surprise, My senior Sir said sorry and that they will take care of this going forward.

This was the first time I had overcome my fear, gone against the do’s and dont’s list of my parents. This was first time , that I faced  so many people, This was the first time I spoke despite the fear choking my vocal cord, I was not able to not speak a word.But I did, because I could not let the dignity of a girl being let down.

After this, I met a new me, changed me who was perhaps hidden behind the walls of unknown fears.I now had the courage to put my point of view in front of people  by curbing the fears inside me.  I was now a little more brave. I was able to fight the fear inside me, when required. I was a better person now.Though fears are a permanent resident inside my mind , but still I was able to curb the voices of fears and listen to my heart. The incident was not a big thing, neither it changed my life style, this didn’t got me styled or brought money but definitely it was a booster for my inner self. It has given me the courage to fight against anything wrong which still is helping me. It gave me courage to walk alone on an unknown street, it gave me courage to speak to a stranger, it gave me courage to publish my blog , to express my inner self. What else could be a life changing event.

PS: My seniors were very helpful though out my college. They helped me realized that there is no need to fear when you are right and because of them only I am now able to put up any negative point in front of people in a positive manner. Though I am not in much contact with them , but I am sure they will be more than happy to help me whenever required.

And we move on…

“Hi Minni,

How have you been all these days. I know it must have been difficult for you not talking to me. But as you have survived the last few days, I know you will live a great life without me. We are not meant to be together. And this you have to understand and accept. I wanted you to learn to live without me, that’s the reason , I was not picking up your phone, was not replying to your mails. You will never leave hope to be with me , if I don’t stop talking to you. I don’t understand why it is so difficult for you to accept the fact that I don’t love you. I have never loved you. I don’t know what was between us, why I was talking to you all these years, why I missed you when I was in Rome, why I called you when I was in Goa. I don’t know what was it, but I one thing I know very well that I don’t want to spend my life with you. I have moved on and I want you to move on as well. You are making it difficult for me, by connecting it with my friends and relatives. Please stop all this, calling me, connecting with my friends. From now on, I will not be getting your mails.

It’s a final goodbye from my side.

Sandeep”

It was the first thing I saw in the morning. I was blank, not knowing where I am, what I should do, as if somebody took my breath away and I am a dead body. I could not believe a word what I just read. I read it again and again. Tears blurred my eyes. I tried his number, but it was blocked, he was not online, perhaps he has blocked me. I didn’t have a way to connect with him. I cried and kept crying for hours. I was thinking how can I contact him, I was praying that he calls me, suddenly I remembered to log on the site “http://www.writeupcafe.com/”. It was where I met him for the first time.

I still remember how we started talking to each other. That day was very hectic and I was not able to complete my assignments. My manager scolded me, I somehow reached my home, in short day went very bad. When I reached home, I was feeling restless and thought of writing something as writing has always been a stress buster for me. So I scribbled down what I was feeling and published it on my blog. He was online at that time on the chat server. He read my post and pinged me. “You must be very tired”.  Embarrassed what I was, when I read his message, I felt scared and hoped that I have not posted something that I should not have. As most of the time I never re read what I write and post it just like that only, because If I would read it again before posting it, then definitely I will change it and the true feeling will be lost. While I was in this weird state of mind, he started chatting with me. You don’t open up with everybody easily, but he had something magical inside him, in few minutes I was talking to him like we have been friends since ages. He was from Dehradoon. Dehradoon was one of the cities, that was a part of my fantasies since childhood. The reason was a story, I read in my course book, where the writer used to walk on a road in Doon, where in trees from both sides use to touch each other as if they are making love. This fantasy of mine made him laugh. He told me about Rajpur road, Maggie point, momo’s over there. I still remember the way he expressed the beauty of the route to Dehradoon, through the Asia’s largest forest. It was like a walk in heaven. We both loved Indian army. Our friendship was about caring, laughing, sharing, scolding. I started talking to him daily on writeup café, then we shifted to phone calls and gradually to skype when he went to Italy for an official assignment. I used to be surprised many a times that how our destinies and dreams are getting linked to each other. Venice Italy, the boat ride over there, under the moon lit sky has been listed in my wishlist of things to do before I die and he got assignment for that place. He knew about this wish of mine so he booked tickets for me. Those 7 days were the best days of my life. I was dreaming and could not believe that life can be so beautiful.

But every sunny day is followed by night and so my life. My dream world started shattering when he shifted to Canada for a year on an official assignment. I don’t know why but he started ignoring me and my calls. I was confused, sad and started behaving like mad people. He was my life, my day started with him and my day ended with him and now it’s been more than a month that we have not talked. And now this letter. I looked for him on writeupcafe .com  but could not connect with him.

It was very difficult to live without him and this BREAKUP, without saying anything, without bidding goodbye, no this is not done. He should at least tell me what wrong I have done, It’s not easy to moveon as it is easy to say. I decided to visit him in Canada, I searched for his Canada address in my mails. I once  couriered valentine’s day card on his address so I had the address with me. I asked my friend living in Canada with her husband to help me with Visa and ticket. She had good contacts so I got visa and tickets easily. My date of departure was 13^th April. I packed all my stuff, booked taxi for morning.

It was a sleepless night, I was worried how he will behave, what he will do. Where will I stay, if he don’t talk to me. So many questions were in my mind. I checked my flight time again and again so that I do not forget it.  There was no chekcin bag so I called the taxi 3 hours before. I reached on time at the airport, after paying for taxi, I rushed to the counter for boarding, but the girl on the counter said, you are late and we can’t let you board the flight. I shouted at her, how can I be late, it’s still an hour for the flight, I don’t have any checkin bag with me and all that I have to do is clear security check. But she was adamant. And I was in a mess, don’t know what to do, I decided to call Saurabh. He was Sandeep’s good friend and an airport officer. He helped me a lot when I travelled to Italy. I went to his cabin, he was surprised to see me. He didn’t knew much about my and Sandeep’s relationship, just had a slight idea. Sandeep was not a very open person, he prefers sharing minimum required information with his friends. But I  was an exception. He shared with me his greatest fears, his childhood fondest memories. His first crush everything he shared with me. I used to be proud of being an exception to this rule of his. I was little hesitant to tell Saurabh about my Canada trip as he would understand that I am visiting Sandeep. I was thinking about how to tell him and ask for help as he was busy in something. He got up and said he will be back in few minutes. I scanned his cabin meanwhile and saw Saurabh and Sandeep’s Goa trip picture framed in a sea shell frame. I just felt crying, my eyes filled with tears and every other thing was blurred but his face, his memories were so clear. I was restless. Then suddenly my phone vibrated and frightened me. I came back in to reality. I unlocked my phone to read the message. It was from my friend S2, He used to call her S2 as her name and surname both were from S J . I missed him again. Everything reminded me of him. He was the only one who could make me laugh, even when I am in tears. I wish he was sitting next to me. But that was a wish that now seems to remain unfulfilled all through out my life. I opened the message and the message read.

I felt as if everybody knows about my breakup and they are consoling me by sending such messages, but for whatever reasons the message was sent, it was true. Asking for staying is more painful. Since the time he flied to Canada, I have been begging him to talk to me like anything, as if I don’t have any self respect. And yes it was very painful. But he was no more the person whom I have loved. He changed. He didn’t care for me anymore. And I don’t want to be in pain anymore, I don’t want to be insulted anymore. I will not let him give me more pain, because I have not lost anything, but what he has lost can’t be valued. Nobody can love him like I have loved him. I now knew that it’s enough and I don’t want to do this anymore. I am happy with myself or I have to learn. I thanked God that I missed my flight else I would have ended up reaching wrong place. I got up and left a “Thank you” note on the table. The blurriness due to tears has been wiped away, and  know where I have to go now. And for sure, I am no gonna miss this flight

This post is part of the contest Spin your Story on WriteUpCafe.com

Dil ki deal number one

Just follow your instincts and you will always be right. I am a diehard fan of that somebody who wrote this coz it has always brought magic in my life, be it the time when you have to gift somebody, or help somebody, you just follow your instincts. Following your heart may not lead you to the luxuries of life , but you will be richer in bonds of happiness, inner satisfaction , a natural smile will always be on your lips and source will be your heart.

I remember one such incident, when I just listened to my heart, ignored all the signals sent by my brain, I was scared, tired, but still followed my heart and what followed all this was magical.

It was few years back, when I was travelling alone in sleeper coach, coming to my native place. An old woman was also travelling in the same coach and her seat was next to me. She came to see her daughter and now was travelling back to her son and became my partner in the journey, it was burning hot in the coach, but she kept telling me interesting tales to keep my mind diverted. She was giving me instructions on how to travel alone, all the way she was talking to me, enquiring about me, we shared meals, though I was little careful in having that shared food, and in giving her my details, as instructed by my mother not to talk to strangers, but being rude to such an old woman was not my cup of tea. She told me about herself, her health problems during the journey, I wanted to rest, but her stories were unending, I kept smiling and listened to her stories of her grandchildren, her daughter, she could not read an alphabet, but she was proud that her children could. She was happy and I just could not stop her from talking.

Finally we reached our destination after a long night’s journey. I got to know that she has to travel to some village through bus and she don’t know which bus she had to take , she was not educated , so could not read what is written on bus. She never asked for help, but my stupid heart forced me to and I am glad it did. Though it was a little risky, you cannot trust and moreover I was too tired, hungry, thirsty and eager to get to my destination and meet my mom.But I couldn’t leave her alone. I never knew it would be so difficult to get her to the Bus, and the problem was luggage, as we were loaded with  so many bag packs. So I took my luggage and helped her with her luggage and started inquiring about bus which was destined for her village, nobody knew her village name. Then somebody asked if Bus to Rampur will take her to her village, suddenly she recalled and excitedly said YES!, I need to get in to that Bus only. We both smiled and took a sigh of relief , I asked her twice , if she is sure , She said yes with confidence, then next step was to find the platform where  we can find that Bus, it was not that difficult. We found her Bus, I helped her on board the bus, settlle with her luggage and quickly got her water and something to eat. She smiled, laid her hand on my head and blessed me, kissed me on my forehead. I smiled and saw her Bus leaving for her destination, She peeped out from the window, smiled and bid goodbye.

I was happy, relaxed, and proud of myself that I listened to my heart despite the brain signals. It was truly a dil ki deal.

PS:  “I am participating in the #DilKiDealOnSnapdealactivity at BlogAdda in association with SnapDeal.”

A scary or a hopeful Dark

Where is she ? I asked her mother, who was a domestic help to me. She, silently with tears in her eyes showed me the doors of a closed room. I opened the door and saw her sitting in a corner hiding her face, crying silently, her eyes were swollen ,she was in pain, lifeless. She wanted to be in dark and resisted the light coming from the just opened door. She was not afraid of the dark but the light, she was afraid to face the world, afraid of the scars of on her body, afraid of the moment of the past that took her life , her innocence from her. She wanted to be alone in this darkness. I called her by name, she was frightened and then hugged me tightly and started crying, it was not my fault didi, he did wrong with me, I am in so much pain, I am not now pure didi, I have become “gandi”. I can’t bear the pain didi. I had no words to console her , to take her away from this darkness. I just took her in my arms and tried to help her to let out the pain, anger what is inside her.

I still remember the days, when my  maid used to bring her everyday while she was working, she was just 4 years old, I used to play with her, love her while her mother was away doing her work. Time flies at a lightening speed, she was now 14-year-old and was studying in a nearby government school, our attachment has now grown to be stronger bond, she loved me more than her mother, I used to teach her after school, we were like friends, she was such a beautiful doll. But then I never knew that such a fate was written for her.

After police formalities, I took permission from her mother and brought her to my place. She was tired, weak and heart-broken. I could see the dried tears on her face, her eyes were swollen, she was afraid to be alone, I asked her to close her eyes and try to sleep. She slept like a frightened child shivering from cold,curled around her body.

I covered her from blanket and came out in the balcony, it was dark, I am always scared of the dark, I wanted to switch on the light, but didn’t. I wanted to be in and with darkness for sometime. I wanted to understand how she must be feeling, to be in dark, it was the first time when I saw somebody finding solace in the darkness. It was a state when you just don’t want to see anything and just cry. I was in a blank state, feeling helpless to help her. I just could not think of anything to do, to bring back the lovely child within her, who is sinking in the darkness of the patriarchal society, who is wounded by the cruelties of a beast who gave her unbearable pain for all her lifetime, just for satisfying his lust, to satisfy his ego. The question was not about how that beast will be punished, but how I can bring back the light  in her life again.

I saw the sky, starlit sky, a full moon sky, it was moon light spread on the path, but it was dark inside. My heart was crying, shouting, asking questions why, how can anybody do this to such a small child, rather to anybody.

I wished for a shooting star to wish for my girl. I wanted to wish to see that beautiful smile and innocence again on her face. I wanted to wish her fly again, to run after butterflies , to get drenched in the rains, I wanted to wish to bring her back from the hands of ” Yamraj” disguised as a brutal society.

I was looking in the sky, searching for a star to fall from the sky to fulfill my wish, then a dark cloud hid the moon behind him and increased the degree of darkness, but then a cool breeze came and took away with him dark cloud. It was again a full moon night.

I gathered up my courage and decided to be the cool breeze in her life, to bring back the full moon in her life, so that she can walk with pride towards her destiny, even when it dark outside, even when there is no light, I would spark a light inside her which will keep her away from the darkness. She will never be hiding her face again in darkness and she will never seek darkness to find solace. I didn’t knew how , but I knew I will.

I was determined, I closed my eyes, tears were dropping down silently, it was dark, but not scary as I could see, the light from within, yes I can see, This is not the end. We have still have miles to go, I felt as if we are in the middle of the dark tunnel and a beautiful way, a beautiful journey is  just outside this darkness.

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.

Lookup for happiness, a place to live happy

Many of us work in IT industry to make a living and ours life is totally different from what our parents have lived. My father worked in the same office for thirty years and I have not lived in the same company for more than 3 years. Most of the time reason was salary hike, but when I shifted from Pune, it was a location issue. I wanted a job in Noida, so that I can live near my parents. I joined a company in Noida, but another struggle started, to search a place to live, a decent place. Me and one my friend wanted to shift together and we had few constraints like Metro should be near , my office Bus route should also be considered , two room set , a kitchen etc. We got a temporary arrangement for a month. Every day we used to look for sites such as “sulekha” , “ https://housing.com/lookup” , on office portal and then after office , either with my brother or my friend search for place to live, but could not get one after so many days. Then we decided to collect all addresses, phone number and took off from office to search for home. We got up early in the morning, packed our lunches, water bottle as it was July end, umbrella to save ourselves from scorching heat. We started our search from sector 26 and saw several rooms, but they were so congested, nobody could have lived in those.We were walking in the streets and looking for  “TO LET” board. The sector was full of beautiful houses, just like palaces, with so many rooms, AC fitting in all, and we were searching for a room to live, with sun above our head. It was so depressing, I just wanted to cry and ask GOD, why so injustice, why so inequality. In one of the lane we saw a beautiful house, it was just like our dream house, we clicked pictures with my favorite car standing in front of that beautiful house, but could not lift our mood, we were so sad, we were ready to go above our budget , to compromise, but still it was not working. We were so tired, wanted to sit somewhere to take rest. We found a place under the shade of the tree to sit and opened our Tiffin .While we were discussing our further course of action , we saw 2, 3 small children playing with a Pomeranian, they were feeding him and gave the puppy water to drink,the children were so energetic and laughing out so loudly, they were in a world of their own.We saw each other and smiled. We were feeling light from within. The depression , worry , tension all has left our mind and heart. The innocent smile of the children gave us a hope and we were ready again to search for a place, a decent place to live, on our conditions ,without compromising. We got up and clicked pictures with the cute puppy and small children. We talked to them and played with puppy. They posed with our pink umbrella, under the sun with a broad smile, which could vanish the depression and sadness and spread hope. They made us realized that big houses does not bring with them the happiness, but a spirit to live , to fight in all conditions, to be content with what we have and try for better ,without compromising on our values brings happiness. Within our self , within our heart  is #lookup for happiness.

We bid goodbye to them and once again started our #lookup